Mortality's Call
by Mara93
Summary: She thought she found herself with him.  But she was wrong.  It found her.


Title: **Mortality's Call**

Rating: **T**, strong angst, but also bits of humor/romance

Disclaimer. I disclaim. Merlin is the property of the BBC/Shine.

Note that this is just my interpretation on the back story, at least one interpretation.

This was written for the LJ community berforethelegend, prompted by myfloralbonnet

Prompt:

_I close my eyes and think that I have found me_

_But then I feel mortality surround me_

**III**

_Is this what it's like_, she wonders within. All around her are so many sounds, but strongest of all…his.

He is screaming. Ranting. Abusing with his words.

Another scream begins, but it is gentler, softer, innocent.

She strives to see, but a haze covers. She yearns to touch, but limbs cannot come to move.

_What is this?_

Everything feels so far away. The candles in the room seem to be spinning.

The first time she closed her eyes _so_ deep was with _him_. It was during a kiss, eternal, forever. Both of royal bearing, their union couldn't have been more…_perfect_.

She loved him from the first. He, with his strong physical stance, brushed back golden straw hair, deep dark eyes of volume, and vital leading voice.

The first time he kissed her, she felt her knees give to quakes. She closed her eyes so solidly then, before opening and feeling more alive than ever.

And yet _now_…

_How could you betray me_, she ponders with pain.

_Did you need this so badly that you would forsake our love, our devotion, our…happiness?_

A sharp prick invades her stomach, stronger than the fierce normalized pains of labor. She hears a scream beyond.

Only his voice tells her…_it is her own_.

"Do something! HELP her! Can't you see she's in pain?"

"I am sorry Sire."

_Sorry? _

The cry is still there, the _other_ cry, the soft baby one. She reaches out, tries to touch, but only in her heart, mind. Her physical being _cannot_ move.

It is trapped in _this…_

There are so many visions, so many memories, so many pangs of the heart that feel so much lovelier than this descent of her being.

She remembers the first time she knew…that she presented it to him, and heard him giggle like a silly boy.

**III**

"_My Lord, are you busy?"_

_She enters the long hallway where he sits with a few others, the men writing important words upon a piece of parchment. Turning away from the heated discussion, he answers with distraction. _

"_Yes Igraine, you know this must be completed by tomorrow, the treaty dealing with the far eastern borders. Can your matter wait?"_

_Could it? Well yes, but…she feels as giddy as she did when she was a young girl and her father brought her home that lovely spotted pony. Well no wait…even more-so. _

_Much more-so! _

_This is the most amazing moment of her life…well next to when she married him….their wedding night…and…_

_Oh too many others since becoming Queen Igraine. Too many!_

"_No it cannot my husband."_

_Oh dear._

_He lifts his busied head from the parchment the men have been discussing and studying, the written treaty, with surprise. "It's that dire?"_

_Well she doesn't know if it is dire, but in a positive way…definitely vital. _

_She can tell as he finally looks up to face her that he gets it. He knows whatever it is his wife wants to talk to him about, it simply cannot wait. _

_She listens as he instructs the men politely that they will reconvene in an hour's time. She sees as a few exchange friendly knowing glances with him. Silly men. _

_She waits until the room is clear, standing before him in her dress of golden sheen. _

_The Kingdom of Camelot is grander many say because of her. It is adorned by her presence. She is thankful for those kind praises, but never takes it too deep to heart. She is just meant to be queen. That is all. _

_And now finally, she can give him what he has always wanted. Now…she is a woman in the most intimate wifely way as much as a queen._

_Beautiful life's miracles!_

"_What are you grinning so widely about?" He chuckles, bringing her out of her reverie._

_Oh he is so handsome, King Uther Pendragon, in his long black coat. Such a daring exciting amazing man. _

_Smiling even wider she clasps excitedly at his cheeks. "I love you my husband…" She kisses his lips tenderly, before moving into territories of pure passion._

_Until she feels his breaking away, hears his laughter even stronger, sees his near blush. "Aaah…uh…"_

_She flusters him. How she loves having that ability. No one ever flusters Uther Pendragon…but her. His wife. His other half._

"_Wow…well…Igraine my dear…wasn't expecting that."_

"_So you are saying My Lord…my Dashing husband…you do not approve?" _

_She teases with a glint to her eye. _

_As a young girl she had been a bit shy, seen as ever so sweet, with a voice that rarely rose too high. And she was that, yes, but she too had a wryness to her that only a few souls got. And secretly she has loved then, and now, surprising with it._

"_Oh no…I approve, most definitely." He amends now, adding,_

"_And I love you too."_

_His returned kiss is full and heated. _

_She sighs with heavenly bliss at its end, uttering words that make her husband's eyes widen as round as the decorative rings hanging in the knights' ceremonial room. _

"_Do I look bigger to you Uther?"_

"_Uh…what?"_

_She pushes away from him, holding at the front of her dress with strong intent. "Seriously, does my stomach look rounder at all…_

_Darling Husband?"_

_His stare opens up even more. She has to fight to not burst into giggles at his bewildered expression. Her husband is such a smart one, to be confused and not say something hastily._

"_Uh…no…of course not. Igraine, you look as wonderful as you did…the day I met you."_

_She frowns heavily now…emphasis on heavy. "Are you saying…My Lord…that it would bother you if I gained a bit of weight? Would you not find me…_

_Lovely anymore?"_

_Her look is one of such solid hurt that of course quickly he rushes through. Once more she has to battle inwardly to not react. He looks like a boy who has been caught with his father's best sword. _

_Terrified._

"_NO. Oh…no. Of course not…uh…Igraine. You know how beautiful you are to me. If…you…became a bit more…uh…er…plump…nothing would change."_

_She smiles even more coquettishly. "And what if my darling I became like that melon back there on your dining table?" She pulls out her dress extra wide for full emphasis. "Rounder than ever!"_

_His mouth parts with complete confusion, before he shakes his head. "Uh…well…Igraine…"_

_She smirks just a bit before she grasps at his wandering hand that doesn't seem to know what response the mouth should give. _

_Too funny. _

"_Do you feel it here at all…My Lord? Any growth…anything different?"_

_Still not understanding, his expression is comical as he lowers his hand, starts to utter a negative before he frowns._

"_Eh…Igraine, this is why you interrupted our meeting? So you could ask me about your…uh…wei-_

_He seems so scared to say that word. She knows she will not be able to hold up the façade much longer. She is too excited anyway to care to!_

_She presses his hand harder against her stomach. The play of it all over, she whispers…_

"_Would you mind it terribly My Lord…if the mother of your child…gained a little weight?"_

_Tears leap to the back of her eyes without her permission. They match the hint of what is to come from his own._

"_Mother of my…"_

_He repeats slowly…_

"_Oh Heavenly Camelot…you're with child? Igraine?"_

_They have tried for so long, with no success. She has felt a failure to him for not being able to conceive. _

_Then this morning Gaius confirmed it._

_There is something precious in her stomach, a new life, a new…beautiful…_

"_Yes my Lord." She sometimes still uses the formal titles when they are intimately alone even, for romantic emphasis, because it just sounds so grand…for play. But now she comes in with his given name with clear affection in her voice. "Yes…Uther, my husband…I am."_

_It is enough. There are no more hints. It's all fully there, his eyes filled with tears, but then quickly enough he is so much a boy flittering through emotions…_

_Alive…_

_Thrilled…_

_Pure elation._

_Indeed not just a boy though…_

_A soon to be father._

_She is amused as his hands encircle her waist, brings her up into the air against him._

"_Oh Uther…careful!" She cries out playfully as he laughs with pure giddiness. _

_But then…_

_He lowers her back down rapidly, apologizing all the way. She chuckles at it, in between her tears, in between his…_

"_A child…we're going to have a child…a son!"_

_She laughs at first but then protests. "Oh well Gaius is magical, but not that good! We don't know yet for sure. It could be a little girl!"_

_He brings her in against him, tightly, intimately. "No…I know it will be a boy. A son."_

_She smiles a bit less exuberantly. "I will do my best to bring you one. We just do not know for sure my husband. I do not want you to be disappointed."_

_He kisses her hair, her cheek. "It will be. I know. I am sure of it."_

"_How?" She asks with curiosity._

_She does not catch it in his eyes. She is too love fazed. _

"_I just do."_

**III**

Now…

She realizes she should have looked more _carefully_.

There was reason he knew.

Treachery.

Lies to his own wife.

What he had wanted so badly.

It cries.

_He…_

cries.

The son he had wanted.

Cries.

The son she needs to hold. To see.

_Give him to me._ She pleads. _Please. Let me hold him. Let me hold my…_

_Just let me look into his eyes before…_

She cannot speak though.

She cannot move either.

Screams and unhappiness all around her.

Mixed in with the beauty of new life.

And she is so far away from it.

So sinking into…

**III**

_Her eyes are long closed as softly she hums, thinking to herself that this is everything she has ever wanted. All of it is found here, with him…with this…that grows inside her._

_She hears a hard strum of heavy boots and finally parts her eyes. He walks into the room, encased in weighted battle stained armor. Normally she goes to his side to help him off with it, but now she is too comfortably in the tall rocking chair._

_He signals with his hand that it is fine, never taking his eyes off her._

_She watches as with a bit of effort he brings it all up and away. The chainmail is almost carelessly pulled past his broad chest. The outer red tunic comes off with the gambeson. Below it all is just his thinner tunic. That too he removes, before putting on a fresh blue one. _

_She can tell he wants to bathe, but since he has walked inside the room, she has been beckoning with her hand. Come here._

_With it all off, boots even removed too, he makes his way to the chair. She gets up as he reaches, points. With a tired smile he sits down in the chair. She barely has to move back before she feels his hands tenderly bringing her down right atop him. Closing her eyes, her lips curve with satisfaction._

"_Mmmm…this is divine."_

_He agrees, pressing his rough lips against her soft cheek. "Sorry..." He apologizes quietly. "The trip through the forest was hot…dry."_

_She nods her head with barely felt infliction. "It's alright. I think I have the remedy."_

_She turns in his hold, turns to look down at his face from where she sits atop. "Let me…stroke these roughened cheeks first…tender them from all the heat."_

_He closes his eyes as her fingers do the work that not even magic could ever create._

_For love is the most powerful magic of all._

"_And let these lips…quench the heat."_

_She parts her mouth, moistens her tongue, kisses every bit of rough desert-like skin._

_He moans, holds her tighter, as intimately she waterfalls his wearied face._

_He has just come back from a long trek with his most devoted knights. He is dirtied and love thirsting._

_She is his canteen of water. His existence._

_She feels his hand move over the front of her dress, press gently against the round mound of life beating within her. _

"_He's grown more."_

_She doesn't bother to correct. From the first he insisted it would be a boy. She feels maybe now sometimes…he is actually right. The little one certainly kicks up its…his…feet enough. _

"_You notice? Ah…yes, growing quite big. Sometimes making it hard to sleep with how he moves around so much…uses those tiny little toes of his...I imagine."_

_He chuckles softly at that, before his voice grows reprimanding as he actually lowers his head to speak to her stomach. "Ah now you…better be good to your mother. Or you will have me to deal with. Don't trifle with your father."_

_She laughs at his silliness, shaking her head at the twinkle in his eye as he grins at her. Such a fool of a man. Such a wonder of a man._

"_I need a bath."_

_He complains._

_She starts to rise up. "I will call for-_

_He stops her retreat, whispers in her ear. "But first I need my wife."_

_She closes her eyes. Rapture. Blessed. This is everything she has ever wanted to find, all found. This is bliss. This is…_

_His arms move around her legs. He carries her before gently bringing her down on the bed. She raises her hands up to him, not caring that he is soiled. Together they will wash it all away. Together…_

_She reaches for the washcloth at the dresser's edge, wipes at his face, his neck…_

_Pulls away his shirt._

_Wipes his chest…_

_He moves down…_

_Kisses her._

_Loves her._

_All so gentle now to not disturb too much the life within her._

_All sweet to take heed of her inability to move so easily within the makings of loving man and woman._

_And yet still, after her bathing of his skin…_

_After he feels clean enough to touch, to press, to squeeze…_

_To rain upon her his love…_

_She cries out…_

_He moans her name._

_Skin all revealed…_

_They lay tight in each other._

_His hand falls upon her bared stomach._

_She feels it ever so loving._

_Peacefully leading to her eyes closure._

_She has found it…_

_All._

**III**

A scream.

High.

Shrill.

Once again it is he who tells her…

_It is hers._

"DO SOMETHING!"

"I have told you Sire…it is too late…nothing can be done."

"_No_."

Beyond the innocent one screams too. She feels her stomach clench at it.

Before it clenches at more.

Another scream.

Hers again.

And yet she cannot _feel_ it.

It is all beyond her.

As she remembers.

The _darkes_t one.

So soon ago…perhaps this day or the one before.

The day her _eyes opened_.

And knew.

**III**

_She stares. The room is quiet. He ushers everyone out. She clenches at her stomach. Whispers. Her voice quaking._

"_Is it true?"_

_He shakes his head violently._

_She knows then it's all as it was said. He always shakes like that when he is…_

_Lying._

"_You made this happen?" She points down to her stomach._

_He goes to her, but she backs away. Hurt. Shattered._

"_I…I thought it was me. I…I thought it was…the Heavenly Father. A miracle…and yet…it was…_

_Magic?_

_You allowed a spell…_

_To be put upon-_

_She holds to the wall, sickened, repulsed…_

_Agonized._

"_My body?_

_My being?"_

_He shakes his head again, fruitlessly. The truth cannot be washed away. She knows too much now. It's been overheard in conversations she was not meant to be observant to, in little bits he's contributed to. _

_She knows now the horror of what he's done and yet what gift it might bring?_

_He is her husband, but her eyes are open to him now like he is a monster. "You allowed this to be done to me?" She clenches at her stomach. "Your wife?"_

_He finally speaks. "No. Igraine. I never would put your life in danger. You must know that. I only…"_

_His words fade to no end. She laughs bitterly, painfully. So different from the giggles of the moment she revealed it to him._

"_You wanted…oh MERCIFUL GOD…you wanted your…son…yes my 'dear' husband? THAT'S what you wanted?" _

_Tears do not rain. They pour. Her gasps end her sentences. The man she loves more than any other man she has ever known has betrayed her in the most awful way. He has shown her the barren pit of her physical self. _

"_It was not enough just to love me…to have my love…was it Uther? You had to…"_

_Her head falls. She is hurt beyond telling. She does not scream though. She whispers instead as she lifts her eyes again, making it even more drenched in agony. _

"_How could you do this to me? Was I not ENOUGH for you? Did you have to-who-who did it? _

_Who did you…COMISSION to make your wife better…more…suitable? WHO…Uther?"_

_She can see he is shaking, but she does not care right now. Her whole body feels like it is falling apart. What are supposed to be the happiest days of her life have now been turned to the most revolting revelation. Because she could not bring forth a child, her husband has secretly…put something inside her to MAKE her conceive. _

"_Igraine, it is not like that. I love you Igraine. You know how much I love you. You are my HEART Igraine." _

_He goes to her, holds at her cheeks, but she pushes with her trembling hands. The grand room, always feeling so big, is now growing so small, so stifling. _

"_Who…did you get?"_

_He wants to touch her she can tell, but she will not let him anywhere near. He wants to back away from the truth, but she will not allow him to. "Tell me."_

_She prays it was Gaius, but quickly she realizes it. Gaius would never do something this horrific and if so not him…_

"_Nimueh."_

"_Ooohhh…" _

_She moans despondently, before laughing crazily. _

"_Oh of course!" _

_Her fool of a husband, trusting that woman who has never meant well to their kingdom, who has always had an…_

_Agenda._

_Who once wanted him._

_But he only wanted her…his wife…_

_Right?_

_None of that matters now. Only this hole he has created in their marriage. She looks down at the round form of her stomach, alive with child, but what kind of child now? _

_She sobs painfully. _

"_Oh God…I have this child who has been growing in me and yet…it is from her…how…how could you do this to me…to our marriage?_

_Oh…"_

"_No." He negates her words quickly. She can tell he still wants to hold her, but she cannot stand that now. The sight of him makes her physically…_

_Ill._

"_She only set the spell, but…Igraine…we made the child. You and I. We made our son."_

_She laughs again, emotions too falling from one to the other. _

"_Our son! Hah...oh hah hah! How many times did you say we were going to have a son…that you just…KNEW? Oh my husband…my DEAR wonderful husband, of course you knew! _

_You sent the SORCERESS to make sure it would be! _

_This…whatever this is…oh my God…is a spell of magic! It is no miracle between you and me or Heaven…it is just some conjured up dream you had to have!_

_I was not enough for you…was I Uther? Your wife…who you say you love so dearly…you do this to? You ruin everything…we ever…were. _

_You have hurt me more than…"_

_He holds at her arms now, does not let her go, even though she starts to hit at him. _

"_No…no…oh for the love of Camelot…Igraine listen to me. I love you…always. This is nothing about what you couldn't do. I just, Camelot must have a king after me Igraine. Someone must rule over this kingdom. Now our son will. We will love him and he will be…of us. He will never know this secret Igraine. No one will. Just you and I."_

_She pushes at his cheek as he tries to kiss her. "Camelot…Camelot…_

_All for CAMELOT…oh STOP it!"_

_Now she yells. Now she reaches the place she cannot escape from. This…secret he has used against her. It is worse than…_

"_Just you and I…you say? Our son will never know. So all is well, yes Uther? I should just…be happy. Be fine with your…_

_BETRAYAL?_

_You could have had a sinful affair, conceived a son that way. Honestly…it may have actually hurt less. Because this…this HURTS…_

_So much!"_

_He tries to get her to listen, but she shakes her head, shrinks away._

_She just wants to be alone. Wants to fall to the floor and weep…_

_Alone._

"_Leave me. Go now."_

_She cannot be in this room with him anymore. It is too hot, too sword filled. She ushers him out like he ushered out the others from the room before, those that know this terrible violation._

_Gaius._

_Nimueh._

_Goloris._

_And…_

_Her dear brother Tristan._

_Her brother who already started swearing his vengeance._

_Her husband tries to get her to listen again, but she turns away. She has had enough. She cannot bear the sight of him. _

_He commences to leave._

_She places her hands on the wall, tears falling…_

_Over…_

_And over…_

_But then…_

_The pain is excruciating. _

_It wrenches her stomach until she feels she's being split open. The scream is forced out, ragged, bloodcurdling. It is only as she sees him turning around with widened eyes, rushing back to her, she realizes..._

"_Igraine?"_

"_AAAAAAHHHHHH!"_

_It is she…_

_Who screamed._

"_IGRAINE!"_

_She is falling, her legs giving way. She tries to grab the wall, but there is no support. Her hands flail. She screams again and then…_

_He catches her. She grasps at his arm. These are not pains of regular labor._

_These are ones of…_

"_Uther…" _

_Her voice sounds so far away. The infliction to her stomach is making her eyes heavy. "Do not let him die…" She begs. It does not matter what brought this child to this world. She would never love it any less. Her words before were of personal pain, but never would she wish ill upon her…_

_Son._

_Oh. _

_She only wants to hold him. _

_Please let whatever this be, let him be born, let him be well…_

_Please. Let me hold him._

"_Do not let our son die. Promise me."_

_Tears are fully in his eyes, falling down his cheeks, but her vision is blurring. Her eyes stray to the floor. _

_Odd._

_It is so wet._

_That is a part of giving birth._

_But it is also so…_

_Red._

_She hears him yelling, calling out, cradling her fiercely in his arms. _

"_I NEED HELP! THE QUEEN…SHE NEEDS HELP!"_

"_Promise me Uther." She insists._

_His chin trembling, his voice raw, he nods his head, his speech spotted by his crying. "I promise…I promise my darling Igraine that our son will be born well and healthy…and you will be fine too, you will be fine. You will be feeling wonderful enough to hold your son in your arms. _

_It will be alright Darling…_

_everything will be fine. _

_You will…"_

_She hears another scream, realizing belatedly once more…_

_It is her._

"_HURRY!_

_She is bleeding…so much…oh_

_Help her Gaius!"_

_His yell as they come rushing back in. Faces she knows so well and yet one is missing._

_She is not surprised._

_Another one climbs up into her stomach, forcing her mouth open, shocking her body._

_And then…_

_His face disappears._

_Her husband is only heard._

_The room spins._

_And_

_In the middle of the new scream…_

_The floor turns black._

She lies in a bed, their bed, in their shared room.

It has been hours perhaps since she collapsed in the grand hall. She does not know for sure. In all this time, during, beyond, she has been awake and seen the room turn to blackness. She has screamed in agony and struggled to bear what she cannot leave this world without.

Now he is born. Her son.

She loves him. She does not care the sick conjuring to create him. He is hers and…

If only she could hold him, if only they would let her, but once again she cannot make a single muscle in her body move. She has no control, no…

Behind blurring eyes, vision going to blindness, the torture on the body already too much for the brain and heart to take, the blood loss too great, she sees her come in. The woman_. That_ woman. She told him to never trust her, but he didn't listen.

And _now_…

"Do something." He pleads. She supposes he has given up on Gaius who has said repeatedly there is nothing that can be done.

'Too much…

has been lost.'

She never hears fully that word _in between_.

Her brother's sobbing image…is in puzzled pieces.

The voice of the woman utters.

"I cannot do anything. This is how it is to be…Uther."

The woman says his name so simply, so familiarly. It disgusts her. She is drifting though again. Floating on something that locks in the pain and then makes her body feel it is boneless, bloodless.

"USE YOUR MAGIC TO HEAL HER!"

It is there again, the crying of the one she's carried all these months. She tries to go to it, but she cannot move still. She wants to scream at her inability.

_Let me hold my son. Let me hold my dear son…_

_PLEASE. Let me…just…one…_

_Moment. _

_Then…_

_It can end._

The voices are dulling even more. She can hear them only faintly, her husband's the strongest.

_Who is holding her child? Who is holding their dear…_

The name already chosen before his birth, a blend of her husband's name and that of her mother's, whose death came one year before they could marry.

Arya+Uther creating…

_Arthur_

She can hear her husband distantly again. He sounds so awfully upset.

He is accusing.

"YOU did this! You made this happen! Now YOU fix it!"

The voice is so innocent that answers, so deceiving to Igraine's ears.

"I warned you Uther. I cannot fix this. It is what I said it would be.

A life…

For a life."

The world is fading so fast, _too_ fast. The pain is dulling. Her vision no longer opens to anything. She cannot see beyond the silent terror of what she is experiencing. This she knows…_is the final_…

"NOT _HER_ LIFE!"

He screams.

"NOT IGRAINE'S!"

Something is holding her. Something is raining down on her. Something is begging. It lets go for a second.

Some-

one is sobbing.

"Not Igraine…_oh not my Igraine_…"

And something holds her again. There is a new scent, a new sound, _a new_…

She parts her eyes as much as she can. Her breath feels so lost in the air. Something holds her head up and she realizes even as she cannot fully see…

It is him.

_Her husband_.

He looks between the shadows like he has stood out in the rain. The top of his tunic is soaked. His cheeks are littered with wetness. But in his hand that does not hold her, within the crook of his arm…

"_It is our son…"_

His voice is breaking.

_Begging._

"It is our son, _Arthur_…Igraine…Darling…my wife…"

She has never heard him cry like this before. She has never heard him sound like his heart is fully coming apart…

_Until now_.

"Look upon your son…please…don't leave me…oh GOD…don't leave me…

Igraine…

_I'm sorry…_

Please…

Igraine…

_Forgive me…_

Stay with me…

_IGRAINE!_"

She is able to glance, mortality giving her this strength of permission…

Her eyes opened wide…

For one second

_Sees…_

He is _beautiful_…

He is crying.

She whispers in her soul.

_Do not cry my beautiful son._

_Your father loves you._

_Your mother…_

_Loves you._

_Smile_.

"IGRAINE!"

She hears his screams, her husband's. She forgives him. She closes her eyes, the second passed.

She knows it will not be easy.

But now it is done. He will love him. He will learn…

_Or_ he will suffer the pains of his mistakes.

Of his sins.

She found herself in marriage. In becoming Queen.

Or at least she thought.

Now she knows. She never fully did.

Instead…

_Mortality has found her_.

Surrounds her.

Envelopes her.

Takes her.

But perhaps it is not in vain. There _is_ reason. As her eyes close shut the last time. As mortality's call is heard.

As it reaches for her hand to carry her away from this world.

To commence the destiny intended. One the wailing babe cannot begin to understand…

_Yet_.

But one day…

He will.

She dies.

She dies in sacrifice to her…

Son.

The End.

Thank you for reading, thoughts always appreciated.

Loved this prompt!

This story was written listening to…

The ethereal sounds of

_**Trespassers William**_


End file.
